...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
