I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
organizing the empties. That sober.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
