words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
