JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
