I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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