ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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