I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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