Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
