im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
