Everything about him screamed your future.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
