We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
