Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
