Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
false alarm, still single
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
