I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
