I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
thus making me awesome and them whores
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
