Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
then he tried to convert me to islam
I just got carded by a ten year old.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Randomize
