So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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