I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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