Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
