I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize