Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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