i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
