I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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