Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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