i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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