She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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