Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
