He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
