My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
