How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
