I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
