hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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