I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
