Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
We're too hungover to prance.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize