Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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