It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
