I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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