what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize