Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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