I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
