5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
