well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
