are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
