Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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