I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
