I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
