you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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