Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
