I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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