my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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