it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
