You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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