I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
