The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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