last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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