I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
sarcasm needs its own font
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
