Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize