Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Drunk walkin through police station. America
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I have aggressive nipples.
Randomize
