And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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