You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize
