they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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