i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
