u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
This house was built for laser tag.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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