end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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