been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
