You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
