So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
