There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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