remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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