i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
