She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Watching her eat just hurts me
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
