She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
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