there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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