dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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