Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
